SIGH

Just drove by single dad's house, and there he was. And I am here. Single dad is, well, a single dad who lives a mere five houses down from me. He is cute, nice and age-appropriate. However, we have never gotten beyond a few brief conversations at block parties and a "hi there" when we stopped by for trick-or-treating. Bummer.

He has a chain link fence and usually keeps the blinds in his den open. Many a night I have driven slowly by to see him eating alone on his black leather couch watching TV as I make my way home to eat alone on my brown couch while watching TV. Sigh.

Now some people might think that sounds a bit stalker-ish, but I prefer to think of it as being neighborly. What if he's in there choking on a strawberry? Who could help him? Or, what if he trips over a misplaced pair of shoes, falls and hits his head? Who would see him laying there unconcious? ME. I would see him (unless he has his lights off or it's during the day - then he'll just have to die) because I am being neighborly.

As an aside, he lives in a kind of creepy house. When he first moved in and showed up at the block party a few years ago, we were all like "OH, you bought THAT house" and he was all like "Yes.....yes, I did....and is there something I'm missing here?" And we're all like "Uh, well, you do know about that house, right?" And he's like, "Uh, what?" Then we tactfully told him that the previous owner had committed suicide in the garage - by shooting himself. He didn't know. Oh my.

I'll keep you updated on single dad. Maybe I'll do a drive-by here in a bit to make sure he hasn't been electrocuted or otherwise injured...it's the neighborly thing to do.

SURPRISE. SURPRISE.

Due to a rather twisted turn of events, I ended up not having Cole on New Year's Eve. While being stuck at home with a child on New Year's Eve can be depressing, being stuck at home by yourself can be REALLY depressing. So, I called my friend A. and she called her friend M. and we were ready for a girls' night out.

We went to the bar at Nobu and enjoyed drinks, sushi and people watching. The short-short dress with very bare legs was definitely the uniform of the night. We ended up at another bar at midnight toasting in the new year.

M. kept toasting to the fact that by next year at this time we would all have men in our lives. I kept telling her to slow her roll and just toast to having had a date by this time next year. Sad to say, but at this point I think that might be a more realistic goal.

Here's to good friends, good health, good work and a good date in 2009!

QUIRKY RADAR

It’s official. It’s been one year this month since my last date. My last evening of adult conversation with an available male. I think the well is officially dry, and there’s no hope/potential in sight.

I was thinking back on the dates I have been on (that would be pre-2007) and some of the just plain funny things I’ve experienced. Now, you might not think they’re funny, but I think they’re quite quirky. Some might say my quirky radar is too sensitive, but judge for yourself.

In the past seven years, I have been out with men who:

• Drive a bus for a living.
• Prayed over our meal and thanked God for the red tomatoes on our salads.
• Pulled over at the end of my street to make sure I was going to put on my seatbelt.
• Told me they were recently divorced (as in four days divorced)
• Admitted that they lived with their parents.
• Told me their soon-to-be ex-wife thought they were an alcoholic, as he drank his fourth glass of wine.
• Talked baby talk to their CAT.
• Told me that he and his ex-wife fought more over custody of their dogs than custody of their kids.
• Took me to a lovely fountain to enjoy the sunset - and brought a towel in case we decided to splash around in the fountain. (seriously dude?)
• Talked to me in third person, as in “How is Laura doing?”

Now, those of you who know my dating record realize that this list is a compilation of a mere five to ten men (too depressing for me to actually count the number). It’s a weird dating world out there, and I’ll admit that it just doesn’t take much for me to hoist that red flag right on up the flagpole.

(I need to say here that I am certainly not ungrateful - I have been on some very fun dates, enjoyed some good meals at cool Dallas restaurants, gotten lots of good advice, had great conversations, gotten some good self-esteem boosts and some very thoughtful gifts.)

Maybe if I turned down my quirky radar, I’d have better luck. If nothing else, it might make for some entertaining reading for all of you married gals who wonder about all the great fun us single gals are having.

THAT MAGIC NUMBER

Cole and I were snuggled up on the couch Wednesday night watching old home videos when the phone rang. I checked the caller ID which said "Wireless Caller" followed by 214 and three numbers (313) that made my heart jump a bit. The exchange was familiar....yes, very familiar. It must be that guy I dated a few years back! Calling me!

Here's what went through my mind (no joke): Should I answer it? No. Don't want to appear too eager. And, hey, who does he think he is anyway calling out of the blue and expecting me to answer the phone? He can just leave me a message like other people who I screen.

He didn't leave a message.

Hmm. Should I call him back and say I noticed he called? Too desperate. And why is he calling me? I haven't talked to him in a year. Maybe he's moving. Maybe he's getting married. Maybe he's decided that of the 100s of women that he dates I am THE ONE. Maybe he just wants to go to dinner. Oh god. I weigh about eight pounds more than the last time that I saw him. What would I wear? Have I bought any new going out clothes in the past year? I wouldn't want him to see me wearing one of the same three tops I rotated through when we did go out some.

I continued to snuggle on the couch acting interested in the video of Cole at age three showing off his karate moves -- but with a nice little smile on my face.

The phone rang again. This time it was my ex-husband's phone number. I picked it up, and he said, "Hey I tried to call you awhile ago." My little smile begins to fade. "Really? I didn't see that you called...someone did call about 20 minutes ago from a number I didn't recognize," I said.

"Oh yeah, was it 214-313-blahblahblah?" he said.

Turns out he was calling on his girlfriend's phone. Of course he was.

Just shoot me now.